Audrina Patridge of The Hills, and more importantly
this bikini post, flashed her
panties while getting out of her car over the
weekend. I don't like to acknowledge Audrina's existence or any other
"stars" of The Hills and, to prove that, I'm going to post an internal memo that's shooting around our office. Consider this a "
behind the scenes" look at The Superficial:
MEMORANDUM
TO: The Superficial Writer
FROM: The Superficial Writer
RE: The Hills and the asshats upon which it contains.
Henceforth, no person of questionable celebrity from the MTV show The Hills will be posted on The Superficial without meeting the strictest of guidelines. This applies to
Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, Audrina Patridge, Lauren Conrad and the other people whose names will never be important enough to remember. In fact, I'm embarrassed to know the four I just listed. On to the guidelines:
1.
Fake jugs must be prominently displayed in a bikini. (See:
Heidi, Audrina. Don't see:
Lauren.)
2.
Panty flashification.
3.
Sex tapes - but only if clip is provided. The Superficial retains the right to not air clip if it shows Spencer's penis. (Edit:
The Geekologie Writer and the science dept. has classified Spencer's penis in the same category as unicorns: Totally fucking made up.)
4.
Toplessness.
5.
Bottomlessness.
6.
Something really unbelievably awesome happens. i.e. Heidi gets hit in the mouth with a space shuttle, Lauren does something that doesn't put me to sleep, Audrina's eye unwonks itself, etc.
If none of these conditions are present, the existence of the aforementioned asshats will be denied. In essence, we're now in the business of doing God's work but with an eye towards boobs. Ha! You just got pwned, Big Guy.
END MEMO
